22 July 2019. The urinals, staff toilets, Central Stadium, MFC Mykolaiv.
Dramatis Personae: Chairman; Grigor Pasha (manager).
CHAIRMAN: Very disappointing result against Metalurg Zaporizhzhya on Saturday, Pasha.
PASHA: [Thinks: well thanks for clarifying that — I had thought you might have welcomed a defeat, you idiot.] Yes, it was that.
CHAIRMAN: Shame we couldn’t even manage a consolation goal to give the fans something to cheer about.
PASHA: [Oh, I should have thought about that. Then I wouldn’t have instructed the team not to score.] Yes, very true.
CHAIRMAN: All the more disappointing because we were at home.
PASHA: [Were we? I hadn’t noticed. Although, come to think of it, the ground did feel familiar.] Yes. home defeats always worse.
CHAIRMAN: It’s not just the scoreline and the result. It was also the performance. We were flat, very flat, all the way through.
PASHA: [I care about losing. I couldn’t give a monkey’s about the performance.] Yes. Disappointing performance.
CHAIRMAN: The worst thing about all this. Pasha, is that we went to great lengths to organise the day as a fans’ day. Thought that might stoke enthusiasm for the season ahead. But I can’t think many people found Saturday’s performance inspiring.
PASHA: [Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I mean it’s entirely possible that it might have escaped my attention that Saturday was a fans’ day. Despite the fact that the commercial manager has been talking about nothing else for weeks. Mainly because he does nothing else, except sell a few burgers.] No, not many.
CHAIRMAN: But don’t let these things get you down, Pasha. You’ll have noticed by now that at Mykolaiv we like to build a constructive atmosphere.
PASHA: [Looking at watch: if I move quickly I should just be in time to top myself by jumping in front of the Kiev express.]