What size pitch does the gaffer want?

3 June. Pitch-side, MFC Mykolaiv’s Central Stadium.

Dramatis Personae: Grigor Pasha (manager); Yorik (groundsman).

YORIK: So, boss, the pitch we had marked out is on the small side. 115 yards by 74. We could add as much as 24 yards to the width, if you’d like.

PASHA: The plan, at least to start with, is to play only one wide player. And I don’t expect him to play very wide: more wide midfielder than winger, you see. So narrow is good. Keep it narrow, Yorik.

YORIK: Narrow it is. And the length: we could add up to 16 yards.

PASHA: I saw you watching the lads during their quickness training. What was your impression?

YORIK: I’ve seen slower, boss, that’s for sure. But I didn’t notice any whippets in the squad.

PASHA: Yes, bang on. If we make the pitch bigger, we’ll be taken to the cleaners. Let’s keep it as is. But, Yorik, what’s your thinking on the surface?

YORIK: I know it’s not the best. But it never will be unless the Chairman wants to invest in a new surface. And from what I’ve seen of the distribution training, you’d have to ask if that would be a good use of resources.

PASHA: Quite. We’re not exactly Barcelona, are we? I reckon that if you produced a silky smooth surface it would help opposition teams more than us.

YORIK: Yes, I’ve noticed you’ve been putting a big lad up front. We’ll keep the paddy field look then.

PASHA: Fine. Obviously requirements will change when we move into the total football phase of the club’s development.

YORIK: Look, I’m five years from retirement. I’ll let my successor worry about that. Or my successor’s successor more like.

Image credit: Центральний міський стадіон (Миколаїв) by Olexandr17