Time and date: mid-morning, 27 May 2019.

Scene: The MFC Mykolaiv car park. A football manager is on his mobile, speaking to his spouse.

SPOUSE: Hello, dear. How is your first morning in charge going?

MANAGER: Well, that’s what I’m phoning about. It’s isn’t going. It’s gone.

SPOUSE: Whatever do you mean?

MANAGER: I’ve been given my papers. I’m unemployed.

SPOUSE: Why? What on earth have you done?

MANAGER: Nothing. I haven’t had time to do anything. My assistant came in and said the chairman would like to speak to me his office. And when I went into to see him, he said he had some news for me. He said there was someone else he wanted to bring in as manager, so had decided to end my time at the club.

SPOUSE: Didn’t he say anything else?

MANAGER: Not really. Just that in my time at Mykolaiv at least I’d gone undefeated. ‘Not many who can say that, eh?’ I think I was supposed to find it amusing.

SPOUSE: Well, if that’s what they’re like at Mykolaiv, you’re well out of it.

And at least we don’t need to worry about house hunting or changing the children’s schools. And if you ever manage a team against Mykolaiv, you’ll have no problem motivating them for the match.

MANAGER: Yes, there is that. Thank you, love: you’re always good at seeing the silver linings.

SPOUSE: Besides, it’s true, isn’t it?

MANAGER: What is?

SPOUSE: You have gone undefeated.

[MANAGER rings off.]

Image credit: Центральний міський стадіон (Миколаїв) by Olexandr17, generously made available under a CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

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