Grigor Pasha writes: Allow me to introduce Stefan Nedelchev.

I signed Stefan for Neftochimic 1962 at the start of the season (2020-21). He is the second-highest paid player on the staff.

And he is useless. Utterly useless.

Out of 15 league matches he has started 11 and come on as a sub once. And what have we got in return?

No goals. One assist. That’s it.

He doesn’t train hard either. Of course not.

He responds to criticism by either (a) telling me I have a point and then doing nothing about it or (b) going into denial.

When, in desperation, I tried putting him in the U19s, we then had a conversation as follows:

  • Him: I have been left with no option but to ask for a transfer.
  • Me: Oh, good. Thank goodness for that. I assure you, however much you want to leave is as nothing to how much we all want you leave.
  • Him: Oh, I didn’t know how you’d respond.
  • Me: The fact that we just offered you mutual termination of your contract might have been a clue.

He never scores. he never will score. He has a phobic a about scoring that guarantees that however good a chance he receives he will contrive not to convert it.

Ultimately, of course, I have to take the responsibility. I made the decision to sign him.

I did know, of course, that he ha weaknesses. I knew he could sometimes switch off; that his decisions weren’t always the best; that his technique is mediocre. But I was expecting his positive qualities — the determination, work rate, off the ball, and teamwork — to count for something.

You’d think he might at least score the odd scrappy goal — you know, when it goes in off the back of his thigh or something.

But no.

Given his cussedness — his ability to do the exactly opposite of what you want — I have a fear that, if someone is stupid enough to make an offer for him, he’ll turn it down.

To everyone at Neftochimic — the staff and players who have to work for him, the board, and suuporters — I profoundly apologies for bringing this worthless specimen to the club.

And to our medical staff: although hitherto I’ve never agreed to you giving a player an injection, in this guy’s case, you have my permission — so long as it’s lethal.

Perhaps someone could run him down to the vets.

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